


There's no way without you

by Ailendolin



Category: The Pacific (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Stargate Atlantis Setting, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 04:50:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10632573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ailendolin/pseuds/Ailendolin
Summary: A simple mission goes wrong for Andy's team and they get captured by hostile aliens, revealing Eddie's most painful memories and secrets in front of everyone. (Stargate Atlantis AU - though no knowledge of it is required)Excerpt:“I need him back now,” Eddie mumbles brokenly and Lena pulls him into an embrace. “I need him to open his eyes and recognize me. I need him to tell me that everything will be okay.”Lena is quiet for a moment. Then she says, softly so that no one but Eddie can hear her, “You love him, don’t you?”





	

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Easter, everyone! As promised here is a little one-shot that just kept getting bigger and bigger. XD
> 
> Even though it's an AU of Stargate Atlantis, you don't need any special knowledge about the series since I've only used the setting. All you need to know is what a Stargate is (a huge round ring that creates a wormhole to a different Stargate on another planet by dialing a certain adress) and that Atlantis is a city in the Pegasus galaxy which means that it's so far away from Earth that at the point of this story it's not yet possible to dial Earth and simply go back. Essentially, they are stranded and have been on their own for a year now. And that's it. 
> 
> The title comes from the song "Every River" by Runrig.
> 
> Now, I hope you enjoy reading this story as much I did writing it!

**There’s no way without you**

„Don’t do this! Please!“

Andy knows these words will haunt him for the rest of his life. They’re testament to his failure as team leader and as friend and he will never forgive himself for letting Eddie down like this. Now all he can do is watch and wait and he’s never felt so helpless before in his life. How could a simple observation mission go so wrong?

Seven days ago his team went through the Stargate on Atlantis at 0800 and was met with sunshine and pinewoods on the other side. The planet they went to was coded M7K-019 and had been classified as safe since Lieutenant Corrigan’s first mission there a couple of weeks ago. Corrigan’s team had not encountered any intelligent life forms, just flocks of emu-like large birds which where the reason why some weeks later Andy and his team were sent to the planet together with one of their resident ornithologists, Dr. Eugene Sledge, to observe and study the creatures.

Simple as that, or so Andy had thought at the time. They were scheduled to remain on site for a week and the first six days were relatively uneventful with Dr. Sledge studying the birds and Andy, his second in command Lieutenant Eddie Jones and Corporal R. V. Burgin alternately keeping watch or helping their scientist. The weather was nice, the countryside even more so and up until their seventh night on the planet it had almost felt like a vacation instead of a mission. Andy should have known that things were too peaceful, too easy. Planets in the Pegasus galaxy rarely turned out not to be dangerous.  

It was Dr. Sledge’s turn to keep watch during the night when the natives came. They worked quietly and efficiently and Andy had no idea that anything was wrong until someone was in his tent and held a damp cloth over his mouth and nose. A foul smell startled him awake and when he opened his eyes he stared directly into unfamiliar bright yellow eyes that seemed to glow in the dark. Before he could even think about struggling and fighting back whatever drug was on the cloth took effect. His eyesight became first fuzzy and then dark and his last thoughts before losing consciousness were that he screwed up, badly.

When he woke up again he was lying on grassy ground outside and the sun was already high in the sky. Andy groaned as he tried to sit up and realized that his hands were tied behind his back. His head hurt and his thoughts were slow and sluggish. The blinding sun wasn’t helping any, but he forced his eyes open against the glaring brightness to look around. On his left, Burgin was squinting against the sunlight while on his right Dr. Sledge had trouble sitting up. They were flanked by two natives and for the first time Andy got a good look at their captors. They’re skin had a pale turquoise color and their hair was dark as night. The yellow eyes were huge and the prominent feature in their faces, giving them a catlike appearance along with their enlarged canines.

It took Andy a moment to notice that Eddie was not with them. His heart stuttered in his chest and he turned his head around, searching for his best friend. When his eyes finally landed on Eddie, instead of relief Andy felt dread coil in the pit of his stomach. Eddie was kneeling in the middle of the clearing with his hands bound tightly behind his back just like Andy’s. The natives formed a lose circle around him and it was obvious that Eddie had been selected for something. There was hunger in their eyes.

When he felt Andy’s eyes on him Eddie raised his head slightly and tried to smile. “Bit of a mess we got ourselves into, Skipper,” he remarked casually. It earned him a kick in the stomach that left him doubled over and gasping for breath.

“Don’t hurt him!” Andy demanded, unable to watch Eddie suffer. The resulting blow to his head didn’t come as a surprise.

It was then that the leader of the natives stepped forward and held up a hand with what appeared to be seven fingers, Andy noticed. “Quiet,” the leader’s deep voice commanded. “We have watched you and deemed you suitable for sustenance.”

That didn’t sound good, Andy thought, as another native came up behind Eddie. He was holding some kind of round disk-like device in his hand that Andy had never seen before.

The leader smirked at Eddie and showed off his canines. “This one is so full of fear and pain that he will sustain us for a week.”

Eddie’s eyes widened in alarm as the native knelt down beside him and pressed the device against his temple. He hissed in pain as the disk was pushed into his skin. A second device which looked somewhat like a projector or small flashlight was attached to the first one and the native took a step back, admiring his handiwork with glee. Andy clenched his fists as he saw blood dripping down from Eddie’s temple.

“Now, we begin,” the leader said, “and you will watch. You are social creatures and like to hide things from each other. This one’s secrets will be revealed with you as witnesses and we are confident that it will increase his fear and pain. We will feast on it.”

And this is how they got into this situation.

In front of Andy, Eddie pleads, “Don’t do this! Please!”

Desperately, Andy tries to wriggle out of the ropes that are binding his hands together. Out of the corner of his eye he can see that Burgin is doing the same. After a few hard tugs and pulls Andy knows it’s hopeless. The ropes are thin and tightly tied. There is almost no room to move, no way for him to slip his hands out from under them. He gives up as the leader gives the signal to begin.

A shimmering screen appears in front of Eddie and with a jolt Andy realizes that he’s seeing one of Eddie’s memories. He recognizes Eddie’s mother immediately, even though she’s several years younger than when he’s met her just two years ago. She holds a baby in her arms, one of Eddie’s many younger siblings, Andy guesses. He’s not sure which one it is, is not sure about the time frame at all.

For a moment he glances away from the screen to look at Eddie. His friend’s blue eyes are wide and somewhat unfocused and glazed as he watches the memory unfold in front of him. He seems frozen in place, unable to do anything more than blink and be a silent witness to his own memories.

 Andy turns his eyes back to the screen in time to see Eddie’s mother turning towards him.

“What is it, Eddie?” she asks distractedly before looking back down at the child in her arms. Her smile is soft and loving.

“I’ve cleared the table, done the dishes and cleaned the kitchen, Mama,” Eddie says and by the sound of his voice Andy guesses he’s about ten to twelve years old. “Can I go outside and play now?”

His mother shakes her head absentmindedly, not taking her eyes off the baby. “We still have to hang the washing up.”

Andy’s surprised when he feels Eddie’s disappointment as if it’s his own. He glances at their captors who seem to be in a trance-like state, slightly swaying back and forth and intensely focused on Eddie’s memory. He’s certain that they possess some kind of psychic powers and that that’s the reason why he’s feeling Eddie’s emotions from his past right now. The air surrounding Eddie shimmers with the power of so many telepathic minds focused on one thing. They seem to thrive on negative emotions, making delightful noises now and then as if they’d just eaten something particularly delicious. Andy’s rarely felt so disgusted in his life.

The memory fades and Eddie’s eyes become sharp again. He takes a deep breath, looking fearfully up at his captors as the leader calls for another one. With a shake of his head Eddie tries to dislodge the device.  It’s no use and Andy can see that the movement causes him pain. He opens his mouth to try to bargain with their captors, but another memory overtakes Eddie before he can say a word.

Eddie’s younger in this one, Andy’s sure, because everything around him looks bigger. This time, both his parents stand before him, looking somewhat intimidating. Andy realizes that Eddie is kneeling on the carpet in the living room, curled around something, and his heart goes out to his friend because it’s obvious Eddie’s in distress.

“I want the dino!” the young child Eddie’s father is holding in his arms calls out. The boy points with one finger at Eddie. “I want it, Daddy.”

“Littlefoot’s mine,” Eddie says petulantly. He looks down at the plush dinosaur that’s cradled in his arms and presses it a little closer to his chest. “Grandma gave it to me.”

“Don’t be like this, Eddie,” Eddie’s father tells him sternly. “John just wants to play with it.”

“Remember what we’ve said about sharing?” Eddie’s mother adds. Like in the last memory, she has a baby in her arms.

Eddie looks back down at the dinosaur. “But -,” he begins and stops, not knowing how to make his parents understand. “Grandma gave it to me,” he repeats quietly.

“And now you give it to John,” Eddie’s father encourages. “You’re a bit old for plush toys anyway, aren’t you? A big boy like you who’s off to school now doesn’t need such childish things anymore.”

Slowly, he pries the dinosaur from Eddie’s arms and hands it to Eddie’s younger brother who latches onto it with a squeal. “See?” Eddie’s mother says softly. “You’ve made John very happy.”

Eddie’s brother does indeed look very happy. He’s clutching the toy tightly to his chest just like Eddie had a moment ago and starts chewing happily on the head of the little dinosaur. Normally, a scene like this would make Andy’s heart melt. Now, however, all he can think of is Eddie and the grief and loss that are pouring out from the memory. It may just be a plush toy to Eddie’s parents but Andy knows that it’s the first of many things Eddie had to hand over to his siblings throughout his life. Eddie always talked about it like it didn’t matter but Andy had seen the underlying pain in his eyes more than once before he shifted them away. In the memory he can see that it did matter very much to little six year old Eddie and he’d bet it mattered every other time in Eddie’s life, too, when something was taken away from him.

This time, when the memory fades, it morphs straight into another one. For a brief moment Andy sees Eddie’s grandmother before the memory gets blurry. Eddie lets out a whimpered, “Grandma,” that tears at Andy’s heart before he launches himself into her arms. The screen goes dark as he buries his head in her chest and Andy can hear pitiful sobbing. He feels his heart breaking for the little boy that would someday become his best friend.

“Oh, Eddie, love, what’s wrong?” Eddie’s grandmother asks in a soothing voice. Comfort washes over Eddie and Andy wishes he could have met Grandma Jones. She seems like a tremendous woman.

“Littlefoot is – is gone,” Eddie says between hiccups. “Papa gave him to John.” Eddie looks up then, and he stares blurrily at his grandmother’s kind face. “But he was mine,” he whispers tearfully. “You said so.”

“I did,” Eddie’s grandmother agrees, hugging Eddie tighter to her. “Your Papa was wrong to take him. Do you want me to get him back for you?”

To Andy’s surprise Eddie shakes his head. “He’s not mine anymore,” he hiccups dejectedly. “It’s not right to take him away from John. I don’t want him to be sad like me.”

Eddie’s grandmother nods in understanding and Andy wonders if her heart is breaking just like his is. “I’m sorry, Eddie,” she tells him earnestly. “You’re a brave, big boy and I love you very much. That’s something no one can ever take away from you.”

The memory ends with Eddie once more burying his face in his grandmother’s chest and crying for his lost plush toy. The leader of their captors grins at them.

“Aren’t those delicious memories?” he asks and his people nod and hiss in agreement. “So much pain at such a young age. I wonder what else there is.”

In front of him, Eddie shakes his head violently despite the pain. “Stop,” he repeats his earlier plea in a hoarse voice.

The leader’s answering grin is malevolent. “Continue,” he commands and the screen flickers to life again.

“This is sick,” Burgin murmurs beside him and Andy quietly agrees. It’s a kind of torture no training has ever prepared them for. All military personnel on Atlantis are trained not to divulge any crucial information during an interrogation or under torture. The situation Andy’s team, especially Eddie, finds themselves in now is the complete opposite. Personal information is taken from them against their will and used against them, and there is nothing Andy can do to stop it. He doesn’t have his radio on him anymore and even if he had there is no backup to call as long as the Stargate is inactive. For once he doesn’t see a way out of a situation and that, more than anything, scares him. Right now they depend on their colleagues in Atlantis to realize that something is wrong. Andy has no idea what time it is or how long until they are supposed to dial back to Atlantis. It could be hours until people at home get worried and send a rescue mission. He’s not sure Eddie has that long. Despite the warm weather Eddie is shivering from the strain the memory device puts on his mind. He looks utterly exhausted.

 “I love you,” Eddie says and Andy’s gaze snaps back to the screen. He sees the face of a young man, a teenager of maybe sixteen years with brown hair and green eyes and he’s so taken aback by this that it takes him a moment to realize what this means. Eddie is gay, or bi at least.

“Shit,” Dr. Sledge mumbles next to him, shooting Andy and Burgin a nervous look. Andy would be affronted if he didn’t know very well how some people in the military tend to react to the idea that they’re comrades could be into guys instead of girls. He’s not one of them, of course, but how should Dr. Sledge or anyone know that when they’re all operating under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. It’s ridiculous that he feels disappointed that Eddie didn’t trust him enough to tell him when Andy never told him either. He hates DADT.

Ignoring the ornithologist, Andy focuses instead on Eddie. His best friend has his eyes closed tightly against the memory and Andy can see that his cheeks are red with embarrassment. He wants to tell him that it’s alright, that he doesn’t have to worry but he’s pretty sure that Eddie can’t hear him as long as the memory device is working.

“Eddie, look,” the boy in the memory begins and Andy can only think, oh no. This sounds like the typical beginning of a rejection and Eddie doesn’t deserve this. No one does.

“What we have here, it’s nice, isn’t it?” the boy continues. “I like you well enough and it’s fun being with you. But I’m not you boyfriend. I’m not looking for a relationship here.”

“You’re not looking for a relationship?” Eddie repeats, voice filled with angry disbelief and confusion. “Then what would you call all the dates we went on, the handholding, the kissing?”

The boy shrugs. “Like I said, it’s fun.”

Andy wants to punch him in the face.

“Get out,” Eddie tells the boy quietly through clenched teeth.

“Eddie, man, come on,” the boy tries to placate but Eddie stops him right there.

“I said, get out,” he repeats. “I don’t want to see you ever again.”

The boy leaves and the memory ends with a blurred view of what Andy knows is Eddie’s childhood room. They don’t see the tears fall but he’s sure that’s exactly what happened.

There’s silence for a moment, and then the leader starts laughing, followed by the rest of their captors. “Such heartbreak and shame,” he comments. “Such fear. Your friends didn’t know, did they?”

“Fuck you,” Eddie spats at him. He looks angry and ashamed and his voice wavers slightly. Andy couldn’t be more proud of him.

“Tell him where to stick it, Lieutenant!” Dr. Sledge encourages from Andy’s left.

It causes Eddie to glance over at them for the first time. He offers the scientist a small smile before he nervously looks at Andy, his face a silent plea for forgiveness. Andy’s eyes soften and he nods at Eddie.

“It’s alright,” he tells him quietly, and hopes that it is enough. There’s no time for more, no time to tell Eddie that this doesn’t change anything, that he doesn’t have to worry because Andy’s no different and just like him.

When the leader steps forward and lays a long and multi-fingered hand on Eddie’s curls Andy can barely contain his disgust. He wants to pull that hand away and break every single finger.

“You have peculiar opinions on the matter of love,” the leader tells Eddie amusedly. “Love is love, here.”

That, Andy thinks wryly and a little grudgingly, we can at least agree on.

“I wonder,” the leader continues, “what your parents said when they found out?”

Eddie’s face crumbles as the memory starts. They’re in the living room and Eddie is facing both his parents. His father sits in a wheelchair with both his legs in casts, looking thinner than in Eddie’s previous memories and aged beyond his years. Eddie once told him about his father’s accident when they were still back on Earth and had no idea what a Stargate was. Andy’s sure this memory happened shortly after the life of Eddie’s father was turned so drastically upside down.

It’s Eddie’s mother who speaks first. “Are you sure? It might be just a phase,” she asks with a hopeful expression on her face.

Eddie shakes his head. “It’s not a phase, Mama. I think I’ve known since I was twelve.”

“Good god,” his father exclaims. “Can’t you just … try and be normal?”

Andy winces. His own outing to his parents hadn’t been exactly smooth but at least they had been supportive from the start even though it took them some time getting used to him bringing boys home instead of girls.

“I am normal,” Eddie insists. “This is nothing to be ashamed of.” His voice is shaking slightly, belaying his insecurities.

“Tell that to the Marines Corps you want to join,” his father fires back. “I’m pretty sure they have a different opinion on that matter.”

Eddie looks from his father to his mother, hoping for some kind of support, but his mother only sighs. “Maybe you just need to go on a few dates with girls,” she suggests, still hopeful. “Linda from next door seems nice.”

“Linda already has a boyfriend,” Eddie tells his mother in exasperation.

She shrugs and his father says, “You just have to show her you’re the better man.”

Eddie blinks. “You’d rather I break up a happy relationship than be who I am?”

“We just want what’s best for you,” his mother says. Her words ring empty in the living room.

Eddie turns his backs on them, mumbling, “No, you don’t. You just want what’s best for you.”

He closes the door behind him and comes face to face with his grandmother. “How did it go?” she asks expectantly. When Eddie shakes his head she pulls him into her arms and holds him just as she had when he was a young boy. “I love you, Eddie,” she tells him firmly, “and I’m sure that one day you’ll find your Prince Charming and your parents will be happy for you.”

The memory flickers, and for a moment Andy sees his own face, sees himself shaking Eddie’s hand on the day they met, the day Andy got his own command. It’s gone in the blink of an eye and the screen fades to grey, leaving Andy reeling.

“Oh,” the leader says, dragging the word out with a malicious smile. “That’s an interesting development right there. And your heart is beating so fast in your chest right now that I can practically smell your fear. This is promising. Why don’t we see where this leads?”

Andy wants to catch Eddie’s eyes, wants to know if he’s interpreting this right, but he doesn’t get the chance as the screen flickers again. Instead of one detailed memory he sees a succession of moments he had shared with Eddie over the years, from their first meeting to lunches in the mess hall to quiet nights under the stars in the desert. There’s nothing special, nothing particularly scary or shameful about the memories which confuses Andy because their captors feed on Eddie’s fear and not his contentment and happiness which is all Andy feels from Eddie right now.

Then the screen flickers again and Eddie gets pulled out from his trance long enough to utter a heartwrenching, “No, please, not this!” before the next memory appears. It begins with a deafening shot that triggers Andy’s own memory. He knows exactly what he’s about to watch and shudders.

On the screen, Eddie whirls around and Andy sees himself falling backwards and hitting the ground with a thud that’s quiet amid all the firing going on around him. “Man down!” Eddie screams. His hands fumble at his radio while he scrambles over debris and under fire to get to Andy. “Atlantis, we have a man down, I repeat, Captain Haldane is down!”

He finally reaches Andy’s side and grasps his hand. Andy feels the phantom touch of Eddie’s fingers against his, remembers the look of utter horror in Eddie’s eyes before he lost consciousness. He doesn’t remember Eddie talking to him. The sounds of battle fade into the background until there’s nothing but his breathing and Eddie’s whispered words.

“Andy? Hey, Andy, come on, look at me! No, don’t close your eyes, stay with me! Andy!”

Eddie’s other hand carefully traces his bloody temple and Andy can see the exact place where the bullet almost ended his life that day. Andy can no longer hear his own breathing and on the screen, Eddie’s hand starts to shake and his heartbeat becomes deafening.

“No, no, no,” Eddie mumbles, searching Andy’s face for some kind of sign that he’s still alive. A moment later, Doc Caswell skids to a stop next to him and assesses the situation. He presses his fingers to Andy’s neck and feels for a pulse. Eddie’s grief and agony as he mentally prepares himself  to be told that his best friend is dead crash over Andy in waves that leave him gasping for air.

“He’s still alive,” Caswell finally says and relief washes over Eddie. “But he’s not breathing. We need to get him to Atlantis and into surgery right now.” He straps an oxygen mask over Andy’s face.

“Will he make the trip through the Gate?” Eddie asks in a trembling voice as he helps Caswell heave Andy to a stretcher.

Caswell shrugs. “It’s a risk we must take otherwise he’s dead.”

No more words are said as they grip the handles of the stretcher, try to keep their heads down and run as fast as they can to the open wormhole that leads back to Atlantis. Eddie’s eyes never leave Andy’s face and just before they step through the Stargate Andy hears him whisper, “Please be okay.”

The memory fades away with the trip through the wormhole. Andy shifts his gaze to Eddie who has his eyes tightly shut against the pain and is trying to breathe through the panic the memory triggered. Their captor laughs cruelly.

“That’s what we like to see,” he grins. “Panic, fear, pain – all of them together. It’s been a long time since we’ve had such a feast.”

“Leave him alone, will you,” Burgin suddenly shouts next to Andy. “Can’t you see he’s had enough? He can barely breathe, you bastards!”

One of their captors buts him in the head with his staff-like weapon and Burgin falls to the side. Andy glares at the alien but keeps his mouth shut. Burgin groans but rights himself a moment later and after Andy’s made sure he’s alright he shifts his attention back to Eddie. They’re eyes lock for a moment before Eddie looks away in shame and promptly throws up.

The leader laughs. “Oh, he knows what comes next. Can you taste his fear? I can and it tastes wonderful! He is so terribly afraid you’ll hate him,” he’s talking directly to Andy now who can do nothing but glare back. “Did you know that you have the power to break him apart like a twig with one careless word?” He narrows his eyes at Andy and smiles. It reminds Andy of a predator. “Do us a favor and break the twig. It would make our day.”

Andy has a few choice words for the leader, but he forgets all of them when Eddie starts to plead again in a raspy, breathy voice. “You can do with me what you want – torture me, kill me, I don’t care, but please don’t show him this. Don’t ruin what we have.”

“We’re not ruining anything,” the leader says in a voice that sounds sickeningly sweet. “We’ll just show him the truth. Whatever comes afterwards is up to him alone and we’ll bask in the outcome.”

And with that the screen flickers again and the first thing Andy hears is the familiar beeping sound of a heart monitor. He sees his face, covered in bandages. There’s a breathing tube in his mouth and mottled bruises litter the few patches of skin not covered in white. Eddie’s gaze shifts away from Andy’s face and down to his hand. With a tenderness that makes Andy’s heart ache Eddie’s fingers brush across Andy’s knuckles, always careful of the IV line that constantly drips pain medication and antibiotics into Andy’s blood stream.

“He’s so cold.” Eddie’s voice is faint. He looks up and Andy sees the face of Doc Katz, their resident surgeon. “Will he be alright?”

Katz hesitates for a moment and Andy feels Eddie’s hopes dim. “Look, I don’t want to lie to you, Lieutenant Jones. He’s been shot in the head and while that wasn’t fatal and you got him home in time, there’s no way of telling what kind of damage there is before he wakes up. If he wakes up.” He sighs and puts a hand on Eddie’s shoulder that feels heavy instead of comforting. “I’m sorry I can’t give you better news. There’s nothing we can do but wait.”

Eddie’s gaze returns to Andy’s face. “When do you think he … might wake up?”

Katz shrugs and removes his hand to pull it across his eyes tiredly. “Like I said, we can’t even be sure if he wakes up. Injuries like that are unpredictable.” He adjusts the IV drip. “Talking to him might help,” he suggests with a friendly smile

“Okay,” Eddie whispers dejectedly. “Thanks, Doc.”

The memory fades with Eddie squeezing his hand tightly and is followed by a new one. Andy knows some days have passed at least because there’s stubble on his face. Just like before, Eddie is sitting in a chair next to the bed and holding Andy’s hand, gently applying pressure and trying to warm it up. With the other one he’s holding a book. It’s _The Lord of the Rings_ , a favorite of both of them. Eddie’s voice is soft and lilting and perfect for narrating a story, if anyone asked Andy. He knows Eddie’s had a lot of practice over the years with all his siblings, and it shows. Eddie reads quietly for what feels like minutes. It goes on for so long that Andy starts to wonder why their captors chose that memory when it happens.

“Don’t leave me here alone! It’s your Sam calling,” Eddie reads, a note of desperation now to his words. “Don’t go where I can’t follow. Wake up, Mr. Frodo!”

His voice breaks and Eddie closes the book and shuts his eyes in pain. The screen goes dark for a moment. When he opens his eyes again they search Andy’s face, search for some kind of sign that Andy is still in there.

“Wake up, Andy,” he begs in a ragged voice. “I need you.”

There is no answer, only the unchanged beeping of the heart monitor.

The memory fades away and is replaced by another. The scenery stays the same.

“Eddie?” a soft, gentle voice asks. “Wake up.” The blurry face of a beautiful woman appears on the screen and Andy recognizes Sergeant Lena Riggi smiling down at Eddie, a dear friend of them both. “I’ve brought you breakfast.”

For a moment, Eddie blinks alternatively at her and at the tray she’s holding. “Breakfast?” he mumbles around a yawn while he stretches his arms above his head.

Lena’s eyes soften. “I know for a fact that you missed dinner yesterday, so I decided to take it upon myself to make sure you eat some breakfast, at last.”

“I was on duty last night,” Eddie explains. His eyes shift to Andy for a brief moment and disappointment wells up inside him when he sees that nothing’s changed. He looks away and absentmindedly reaches for the toast Lena is holding out to him.

“I know you were on duty,” Lena tells him, pulling up a chair. “I also know you practically live in the infirmary whenever you’re off work. It’s not good for you.”

Eddie shrugs, nibbling at his toast. “I want to be here if he wakes up,” he says softly. The hopeless _if_ tugs at Andy’s heart.

“I’m sure Andy wouldn’t appreciate you sleeping in a chair for two weeks,” she remarks.

Andy doesn’t, and he’s surprised that this is the first time he hears about Eddie’s vigil during his coma. He wishes he could see Eddie’s face in the memory. When he woke up the first time everything had been blindingly bright and blurry and he had been so out of it that he hadn’t focused on the way Eddie had looked. Judging by the way Eddie slowly forms his words Andy’s sure he was past the point of exhaustion when Andy finally woke up after sixteen days of coma.

“Well,” Eddie says, somewhat defiantly, “he can wake up and tell me to get some rest himself if he minds so much.”

Lena sighs and reaches for Eddie’s hand. It’s trembling decreases slightly when her fingers close around it. “Oh, Eddie,” she whispers in sympathy. “He’ll wake up when he’s ready. It just takes a little time.”

“You don’t know that.” Eddie’s voice sounds defeated and Andy feels his exhaustion in his bones. “What if he’s never ready? What if he doesn’t want to wake up?” Lena’s face becomes blurry as tears fill his eyes. Eddie’s voice falls to a whisper. “What if I need him more than he needs me?”

Lena’s hand squeezes Eddie’s tightly. “You know that’s not true, Eddie. The Doc says he’s showing signs of waking up. They’re slowly taking him off the pain medication. You just need to give him a little more time.”

“I need him back now,” he mumbles brokenly and Lena pulls him into an embrace. “I need him to open his eyes and recognize me. I need him to tell me that everything will be okay.”

Lena is quiet for a moment. Then she says, softly so that no one but Eddie can hear her, “You love him, don’t you?”

Eddie’s agonized, “Yes,” almost gets lost in his sobs.

Andy feels like someone has punched him. He feels lightheaded, shocked and breathless all at once. Eddie loves him. That’s what their captors were after. Eddie’s greatest shame, his greatest fear is his love for Andy because he thinks it will ruin everything if Andy finds out. He wonders how long Eddie’s felt that way and decides at the same time that it doesn’t matter. Eddie’s pain rushes through him but next to it is something else. It’s a love so deep and warm and embracing that Andy feels his eyes sting with the force of it. Eddie loves him, he thinks and smiles as the tears make their way down his face. He wants nothing more than to gather Eddie in his arms and tell him what he’s wanted to hear for so long now. Everything will be okay.

The memory of the infirmary vanishes abruptly as shots ring out all around them. Instinctively, Andy and Burgin throw themselves onto their sides. Andy’s glad to see that Dr. Sledge’s training kicked in and he did the same. When Andy turns back to Eddie to make sure he’s okay Eddie’s in the process of crumbling in on himself. His eyes are already close as he hits the ground and Andy’s heart speeds up in worry, fearing that Eddie has been shot. Behind him, the leader drops to the ground a moment later. Their captors don’t stand a chance against the force Atlantis sent for their rescue. Out of the corner of his eye Andy can see Corrigan coordinating the attack and Andy allows himself to feel just the slightest bit relieved that this horrible mission is almost over. Next to Corrigan, Stones, Leckie and Hoosier are firing with all they have. Further to the right, Runner, Chuckler and Phillips provide supporting machine gun fire. On the other side of the clearing, Basilone, Tatum, Manny and Morgan add their own machine guns to the mix and a little further down to Andy’s right he sees Lena, Snafu and Gunny Haney crouching next to their mortar, ready to join the fight at a moment’s notice. Behind them, Doc Katz and Doc Caswell are waiting patiently for the Marines to eliminate the threat.

In the end, the fight doesn’t even last five minutes until all their captors are laying dead on the ground. Their blood is a pale blueish color, almost white. Corrigan surveys the area for a moment and then gives the all clear. At once Katz and Caswell grab their gear and move across the clearing towards Eddie. Basilone’s team spreads out and guards the area while Chuckler, Runner and Phillips move among the captors to make sure none of them poses a threat anymore. Corrigan and his team make their way over to Andy and the rest of his team. Andy can’t help the hiss of pain when his hands are finally being freed.

“Thanks, Hugh,” he says in gratitude as he massages his bruised wrists and Corrigan nods at him.

“Any time, sir. Are you alright?” He motions towards Andy’s wrists with a hand.

After turning to Burgin and Dr. Sledge to check that they’re okay, Andy waves his worry away. “We’re fine, except for a couple of bruises.” His gaze wanders to Eddie’s prone form on the ground. Corrigan follows it and his eyes soften.

“We saw the end of it,” he tells Andy quietly. “Go to him.”

For a brief moment Andy thinks about what Corrigan’s words imply, what they could mean for Eddie. Before he can panic, Corrigan puts a hand on his shoulder. “It’s alright, sir. This won’t make it into the mission report. We have your backs. We won’t tell.”

At a loss for words at such kindness Andy swallows the lump in his throat and simply nods at Corrigan. Corrigan smiles in return. “Now, go to him,” he encourages.

He grabs Andy’s arms and hauls him up to his feet. The first steps Andy takes are a little wobbly. His legs are still tingling from kneeling on the ground for so long, but he ignores the numb feeling as much as he can and takes one step after another until he finally reaches Eddie’s side. He’s glad that Lena’s there to steady him when he stumbles to a stop.

“How is he?” Andy asks anxiously. Doc Katz briefly looks up at him over his shoulder before he resumes his work on Eddie.

“We’ve managed to extract the device from his temple with a slight electric jolt,” Caswell explains, pointing at the now inactive device on the ground, “but we have no idea how much damage it caused. We’ve got to get him back to Atlantis and do a number of tests on him before we can say anything for sure.”

“It caused him pain,” Andy tells him quietly, unable to take his eyes off the bloody disk in the grass. “When they put it in and whenever they turned it on it immobilized him and visualized his memories. I’m pretty sure they controlled it telepathically. They wanted to ‘feast on our fears’,” he quotes with disgust.

“Well, whatever they did to him he’s stable for now,” Katz tells him, holding an IV bag high above his head. “Let’s get him back to Atlantis so we can examine him properly. Can you hold that for me?” Katz asks, nodding at the IV bag.

Without a word Andy takes it from him. Katz and Caswell move Eddie onto a stretcher and they each grab one end of it to haul it up. The tingling in Andy’s legs is almost gone by now and he moves quietly beside them as they make their way back to the Gate flanked by the rest of the rescue team and Burgin and Dr. Sledge. Andy’s glad the Stargate isn’t that far away. On the stretcher Eddie looks sickly pale and shivers beneath the blanket that is covering him. Both Dr. Sledge and Burgin look a little worse for wear and with every step Andy can feel the adrenaline fading from his system now that he knows his team is safe and almost home.

Hoosier runs up ahead and dials the Gate. The familiar whoosh of the wormhole follows a moment later and without looking back they step through the Stargate. When Andy opens his eyes again they’re home and the by now familiar sight of Atlantis’s gateroom greets him. He sends a grateful nod up to Colonel Puller and hands the IV bag over to Doc Lewis, one of Katz’s medical personnel before they rush Eddie off to the infirmary. He follows at a slower pace together with the rest of his team for their routine check-ups.

Doc Stern greets them with a somber look when they arrive and ushers them behind curtains. Andy peels off his uniform with slow and heavy limbs and Stern immediately starts to poke and prod at him. After a moment he says, “Maybe you should sit down, Captain.”

Andy’s knees feel weak and he’s grateful when Stern helps him up on the hospital bed and hands him a glass of orange juice. “Drink this. You’ll feel better in a moment.”

While Andy takes small sips out of the paper cup Stern moves his long, gentle fingers carefully along Andy’s skull. Andy hisses when they touch a spot above his right ear.

“That’s a nasty bruise you got there,” Stern remarks with a raised eyebrow. He presses carefully against the area and Andy winces.

“One of them hit me,” he explains through gritted teeth.

Stern nods thoughtfully. “Luckily for you there’s no fracture. Anything else I should know about?”

Andy thinks about that for a moment and then shakes his head. “Just my wrists. And I’m cold.”

“That would be the adrenaline crash,” Stern helpfully supplies. He helps him into a pair of comfortable trousers and wraps a blanket around Andy’s shoulders before he starts cleaning Andy’s chafed wrists. After bandaging them he hands Andy a warm-looking sweater with a smile. “Put this on. You can wait here for Lieutenant Jones, if you want.”

So Andy waits. He waits until first Burgin and then Dr. Sledge are done with their post-mission check-ups. Both are a little battered and bruised but fine, overall. He tells them to get some rest and both comply, albeit reluctantly. Despite his efforts to stay awake until the doctors are done with Eddie Andy fades in and out of consciousness for a while. At one point Lena’s kind face greets him when he opens his eyes.

“Here,” she says, offering him a cup of hot cocoa with a gentle smile. “Doc Stern says you could do with some sugar in your bloodstream.”

The first sip sends warmth throughout his body. Andy feels more awake immediately. “Thank you, Lena.”

An awkward silence settles between them until Lena clears her throat. “So, now you know,” she states softly.

“Yeah,” Andy sighs, rubbing at his eyes tiredly. “I had no idea he felt that way about me.”

Lena nods in understanding. “Must have been quite a shock,” she remarks, a little too casually, Andy thinks.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks her, unable to hold the question in any longer. At the taken aback look on her face he adds, “Not about his feelings, but about him not leaving my bedside after I got shot.”

Lena shrugs a little helplessly. “He didn’t want you to know, Andy,” she tells him. “He was embarrassed and a little overwhelmed by it all at the time. And then you woke up and it didn’t seem to matter anymore.” She shrugs again. “And in the end, Andy, it’s not really my place to tell you.”

“I wish you had,” Andy mumbles quietly. “I wish he’d talked to me. Maybe he wouldn’t have suffered so much today if he had.” He looks down at his hands. “You know, I heard him, sometimes, while I was in the coma. I couldn’t make out any words or anything, but I remember hearing his guitar. I think at one point he was singing my favorite song.”

Lena smiles softly at him. “ _Every River_ ,” she says. “I remember. He would sneak his guitar in here in the middle of the night to play for you. I once caught him at it.”

“How could I not know how he felt?” he asks Lena in an anguished voice. “It seems so obvious now, in hindsight, all the smiles and the little touches and all the time we spent together.”

“Maybe you didn’t realize because you didn’t allow yourself to think about it?” she suggests gently. “Eddie also hid it very well. I don’t think he’s ever openly admitted his feelings until I talked to him that day. He’s been hiding for a long time.”

“He must have been so lonely,” Andy muses sadly, trying to picture what the last few months most likely had been for Eddie. He imagines how Eddie must have felt, imagines the constant longing for someone he thought he could never have, the constant fear that someone would find out, that he would lose his job and his friends because of his feelings that he couldn’t change, always hiding part of his personality from everyone around him. Andy’s chest tightens painfully at the thought and he wants to take Eddie into his arms so badly and shelter him from all of this.

“He doesn’t have to be lonely anymore,” Lena implies quietly. The touch of her hand on Andy’s arm is gentle. “You can change that, and I think you want to.”

She’s right, of course. He wants to so desperately, but it’s not as easy as she makes it sound and there is something else both him and Eddie have to consider. “What about DADT?”

Lena scoffs at him. “Please, Andy.  We’re a galaxy away from DADT. Don’t let an outdated rule stop you. We both know that the Atlantis expedition has been picked very carefully. Some of our best scientists are gay or bi and no one has a problem with it. Why should it be different when it comes to our military personnel? Even Puller thinks it’s a ridiculous rule.” She smiles encouragingly. “No one will tell, Andy. No one gives a damn. And between you and me, I don’t think you two are the only ones, either.”

Before he can think of an answer to that, Doc Caswell steps around the curtain that separates Andy’s bed from the others.

“How is he, Doc?” Andy asks at once, unable to stop himself.

Caswell gives him a tired smile. “We think he’ll be fine,” he says. “None of the tests we did suggest brain damage which is a good sign considering the device sent tiny tentacles into his head.” Both Andy and Lena screw up their faces in disgust. “Dr. Keller is currently working on the device. Aside from the hole in his head which we disinfected and stitched up Lieutenant Jones only has a couple of bruised ribs as far as injuries go. His dehydration and extremely low blood sugar level had us worried for a while but we’ve got that under control now. The device seemed to have put a lot of stress on his mind and body.”

“Will there be any lasting damage?” Andy inquires in apprehension. He will never forgive himself if Eddie’s mind is permanently damaged because he allowed some weird telepathic aliens to surprise them in the middle of the night.

Caswell shrugs a little helplessly. “We won’t know for sure until he’s awake. There shouldn’t be any memory loss, if that’s what you mean. He may have headaches or migraines for a few days, maybe from now on more often in general, but that should be it, as far as we can tell.”

Andy lets out a breath he didn’t know he’s been holding and allows his body to relax back into the mattress of his hospital bed. “Thanks, Doc.”

“He’ll be with you shortly,” Caswell tells him with a smile. “You can stay the night, Captain, but both he and you need to rest, so I want you to try and get some sleep, okay? He won’t wake up until tomorrow morning anyway.” His gaze turns to Lena. “Maybe you can get yourself and him some dinner from the mess, Sergeant?”

Andy’s eyes widen in surprise as Lena nods. “It’s dinnertime already?”

Caswell chuckles wryly. “It’s 2100 and past dinnertime, to be precise.”

With that he pushes the curtain on Andy’s right side back so Andy can see Eddie when they bring him in and leaves them.

“I’ll grab some chow and be right back,” Lena says. To his surprise, she gives him a light peck on the cheek before she goes. “I’m really glad you’re okay.”

He drinks the rest of his cocoa as he waits. The infirmary is quiet this late at night. He’s the only one there right now. Andy’s mission is the first in several weeks that went south and ended with someone seriously injured. Rationally, he knows that what happened to Eddie is not his fault, that there was nothing he could have done to prevent it, but as Eddie’s team leader and especially as his best friend Andy feels responsible nonetheless.

At the end of the room a door opens and Andy sees Doc Katz walking in backwards while pulling a hospital bed along. “We’ve got company for you, Captain Haldane,” Katz says while looking over his shoulder with an exhausted grin.

Andy props himself up on his lower arms and watches anxiously as Eddie is wheeled in. Pristine white bandages are wrapped around Eddie’s head that remind Andy of the way he himself had looked in Eddie’s memory after he got shot. Eddie’s face is still pale, making his freckles more prominent. He’s breathing normally, though, and apart from the IV drip that’s still attached to his hand Andy can see no medical equipment.

“He’s just sleeping,” Katz explains when he sees Andy’s look. “We have him on some painkillers, antibiotics and fluids, but that’s it. All his mind and body need right now is rest. Tomorrow, though, I’m sure some tender loving care wouldn’t go amiss.” He winks at Andy.

Andy feels his cheeks redden and shifts his gaze away. Katz sighs softly before he sits down on the edge of Andy’s bed. “I know it’s not my place, Captain,” he begins quietly, “but for the record? I think you two would be good for each other.”

“I know,” Andy agrees softly, looking back up.

Katz smiles at him. “Good. Don’t worry so much, Captain. We’ve all got your back.”

Lena comes back into the room, then, carrying two trays. Her steps falter a little when she sees Eddie. Katz takes one of the trays from her and places it on the table next to Andy. With a cheeky grin he says, “Thanks for dinner, Sergeant Riggi.”

She sets down the other tray on the chair she vacated earlier before she  swats him on the arm. “Don’t get cute with me, Doc.”

Katz holds up his hands in mock defense. “I wouldn’t dare.”

She snorts at that and gestures to the tray on the table. “You’re lucky I got enough for three. Go on, then, take some. It’s only toast with butter and jam, though, I’m afraid. The mess was already closed when I got there.”

“I haven’t eaten anything since this morning. Toast sounds heavenly,” Katz tells her with a pleased groan and reaches for the tray. “I could kiss you right now, you know.”

“I’d punch you in the face if you tried,” another voice promises gravelly from the doorway.

Lena simply rolls her eyes. “I can punch him myself, thank you very much, John.”

“I’ll just stay with the toast, then,” Katz mumbles through a mouthful.

Andy chuckles at him as John Basilone makes his way into the infirmary. He greets Lena with a short kiss and nods at Andy and Katz.

“Just wanted to see where my girlfriend was off to,” he tells them. To Lena he says softly, “Missed you at dinner.”

She shrugs and motions to her plate of uneaten toast. “I’m having dinner right now. Care to join me?”

Together, the four of them make short work of the few toasts Lena managed to scrounge up. Despite his first meal in twenty-four hours Andy feels the exhaustion of the day creep up on him and Katz notices too, because after the last slice of toast is finished off he stands up and makes a shooing motion. “As nice as this has been, I think my patients need rest. Thank you for dinner, Sergeant Riggi, but off with you and Sergeant Basilone now.”

John gathers up the empty trays in one hand and offers Lena his other.

“See you tomorrow,” Lena tells Andy with a soft smile. “We’ll be by after our morning shift.”

They leave hand in hand and Andy watches them go with a quiet longing in his soul. He wants what they have, he realizes. He wants to be able to hold Eddie’s hand and kiss him when they see each other after a long day. He wants to take Eddie home in the evening, wants to cuddle with him in bed, wants to wake up to his soft voice in his ear. Now that he allows himself to think about it he realizes that he wants a lot when it comes to Eddie Jones.

“Get some sleep, Captain,” Katz tells him quietly. “If you need something, just press this button. I’ll be here the whole night.”

“Thanks, Doc,” Andy says while he’s burying deeper under the blanket. “For everything.”

“You’re welcome. Goodnight, Captain.”

Katz clicks off the lamp at Andy’s bedside table and walks to the other side of the room where a door leads to a small office which the doctors on night duty use. He dims the overhead lights on his way there and closes the door behind him.

Andy watches him for a moment through the window before he turns his head to the side and rests his eyes on Eddie. His friend is still breathing peacefully and regularly, showing no signs of distress or waking up. Andy wishes he could reach out and hold Eddie’s hand but he’s tired and can hardly keep his eyes open. He contents himself with moving a little closer to the edge of his bed, closer to Eddie, and with one last glance at him he closes his eyes and lets sleep claim him.

He is woken up by the quickening beeping of Eddie’s heart monitor. The lights in the infirmary are still dim and a look at the clock on the wall tells Andy that it’s just past 0600. He sits up slowly and places his sock-clad feet on the floor before he closes the distance between Eddie’s bed and his in three steps. Eddie’s eyes are still closed but Andy can see them moving behind the eyelids, and he presses the call button. Katz is at his side in a second.

“I think he’s waking up,” Andy tells him hopefully.

Katz checks the monitors, sees the increased heartbeat and turns to Andy with a smile. “You’re right, Captain. Shouldn’t be long now.”

Ten minutes later Eddie’s eyes start to flutter. He groans when he opens them and immediately shies away from the light.

“Welcome back,” Katz greets him. He waits a moment until Eddie’s eyes have adjusted somewhat to the light before he asks, “How do you feel? Any pain?”

“My head hurts,” Eddie admits, squinting up at him.

Katz adjusts the IV drip. “This should help,” he tells Eddie. “Can you tell me your name?”

“Jones,” Eddie rasps out, “Edward Allison.”

Andy’s never felt happier in his life than in this moment. Eddie may look and sound like he’s been through hell but he’s awake and he remembers who he is and that’s all that matters right now. Relieved he takes a step back and let’s Katz do his work.

Katz reaches for the bedside table and hands Eddie a cup of water with a straw. “Here, drink this. You’re throat will feel better.”

Eddie takes a couple of small sips and smiles gratefully up at Katz. “Thanks, Doc.” His voice doesn’t sound so scratchy anymore.

“You’re welcome,” Katz tells him. “Now can you tell me where you and why you are here?”

A look of confusion crosses Eddie’s face and for a moment Andy feels his heart plummet in his chest. “Do you mean Atlantis in general or the infirmary specifically?” Eddie asks.

Katz lets out a chuckle while Andy slumps against his hospital bed in relief. “Either is fine.”

“Well,” Eddie begins slowly, “I’m in Atlantis as part of the military force that was sent through the Stargate about a year ago. And I’m in the infirmary because native hostiles took me and my team hostage on a planet called … PX-something.” He looks up at Katz in frustration. “Sorry, Doc, I can’t remember it’s designation.”

Katz pats him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about it,” he reassures him. “I just wanted to see if you have any memory loss from that device you had attached to your head, but everything seems fine.”

The beeping of the heart monitor increases the moment Katz mentions the device and Eddie’s hand automatically moves up to his temple to probe at his wound. Gently, but firmly Katz grips Eddie’s hand before it can make contact and pulls it back down to lie on top of the blanket. “Don’t prod at it,” he admonishes softly. “We got the device out and stitched you back up. Everything’s fine. It can’t hurt you anymore.”

He holds Eddie’s eyes until Eddie nods. Then he smiles at him. “Good. Now, I think there’s someone here who would very much like to talk to you,” he gestures to the other side of the bed where Andy is standing and Eddie’s eyes widen when he sees him. Andy gives him a little wave. “I’ll be in my office if you need anything,” Katz continues. To Andy he adds, “Don’t aggravate my patient, Captain.”

Andy nods at him and waits until the door to the office closes behind Katz before he carefully sits down on the edge of Eddie’s bed. He gives him a reassuring smile. “It’s good to see you awake,” he breathes out, letting his relief show on his face. “We were all worried about you.”

Eddie doesn’t smile back, doesn’t even look at him anymore. Instead he stares down at his hands which he nervously twists in the blanket. His whole body language tells Andy that he’s uncomfortable and would rather be anywhere else than here with him. He sighs. “Look, Eddie-“

“I’ll transfer to another team,” Eddie interrupts him softly. “And I’ll leave Atlantis once we’ve managed to establish a wormhole back home. No need to make this anymore difficult than it has to be.”

Andy is so taken aback by this that he doesn’t know what to say. “What?” he finally asks. “Why would you want to do that?”

This time Eddie does look at him and his eyes are full of anguish. “You saw why. You saw everything. And a lot of other people did, too. Now everything’s different, everything’s ruined. This is why I never wanted you to know.”

On impulse, Andy reaches out with one hand and interlaces their fingers. Eddie’s hand is cold and shaking. “I’m glad I know,” he tells Eddie softly, willing him to understand. “I’m not happy that you were forced to tell me this way and I’m not happy that you got hurt, but I’m happy that I know how you feel about me.”

“Why?” Eddie asks while looking down at their entwined hands in confusion.

Gently, lovingly Andy lifts Eddie’s hand up and places a lingering kiss on the back of it. “Because I love you too,” he says quietly.

“You …” Eddie begins faintly. Andy’s a little worried when Eddie’s eyes well up and he swallows thickly. “Don’t say that,” Eddie whispers harshly. When Andy doesn’t understand he explains, “This can never work. We both know it can’t, and knowing that you feel the same it will hurt even more.”

“Is this about DADT?” Andy asks him, holding Eddie’s hand more tightly. Eddie nods and looks away. “I already had a talk about that with Lena last night. She told me, quite frankly, that this is not Earth, that the most tolerable people you can imagine are here on Atlantis, and that we shouldn’t give a damn about it. I’m willing to listen to her. Are you?”

Eddie looks back up at him and blinks. His tears spill over and he brushes them carelessly away with the back of his sleeve. “I really want to,” he whispers.

“Then do,” Andy tells him with a smile. “We both know Lena’s always right.”

This gets a chuckle out of Eddie. “She likes to think she is, at least,” he says. His smile fades a little. “Can it really be that easy?”

Andy shrugs. “Probably not. But we’re Marines and Marines make do, don’t we? I’m sure we’ll figure it out along the way.”

For the first time this morning Eddie’s lips lift up in a small smile. “You sound so sure,” he muses with a sigh. “It’s been a long time since I’ve done this. Dating,” he explains at Andy’s confused look. “I don’t really know what the standard procedure here is.” He looks up at Andy a little helplessly.

“Whatever you want it to be,” Andy tells him and squeezes his hand gently. “Whatever you’re comfortable with. Whatever you want to do.”

“I want,” Eddie begins in a quiet voice and pauses. He looks up at Andy shyly. “I want to kiss you,” he admits in barely a whisper.

Andy’s heart feels close to bursting with happiness  as he leans downs. “Always.”

The moment his lips meet Eddie’s time seems to stand still and at the same time rush by so fast that it leaves Andy breathless. Eddie’s lips are chapped and cold beneath his and their noses bump against each other at first, but it’s perfect all the same. One of his hands, the one that isn’t interlaced with Eddie’s, comes up to rest against Eddie’s cheek and his thumb gently caresses the stubble it finds there. When they break apart there’s a bashful grin on Eddie’s face that Andy knows is mirrored on his own. The heart monitor is beeping like crazy and behind them the office door opens.

“Everything alright here?” Doc Katz asks them, looking at the monitor and Eddie in worry.

Eddie lets himself fall back into his pillow and pulls the blanket over his head in embarrassment. “Oh god,” he groans.

Andy laughs at him even though his own cheeks feel hot. “Everything’s perfect, Doc,” he says meaningfully and Katz’s eyes widen in realization.

“Oh, alright then. I’ll leave you to it. No strenuous activity in my infirmary, though,” he admonishes them with a wink before he disappears back into his office.

“You can come out now,” Andy tells Eddie with an amused smile.

Eddie’s eyes peak out from under the blanket. “This was utterly mortifying,” Eddie shudders. “I feel like a kid who just got caught doing something naughty.”

Andy finds the blush on his cheeks utterly endearing and for a moment allows himself to wonder how far down it reaches, before he puts that thought on hold and sits back down on the edge of Eddie’s bed. He leans forward to give Eddie another kiss just because he can.

“I love you,” he says, knowing he sounds utterly besotted and not caring one bit.

Eddie’s answering smile is tired but blinding all the same. “And I you,” he murmurs softly, followed by a yawn. Andy’s hand reaches out to smooth his unruly curls back into place.

“Try to get some more sleep,” he suggests when he sees Eddie’s eyes drooping. “It’ll be a while yet until breakfast. Everything else can wait until you’re better.”

“Will you stay?” Eddie asks quietly, reaching for Andy’s hand. Andy gives him a squeeze.

“Of course. As long as you’ll have me,” he tells Eddie and he means it.

Eddie smiles sleepily up at him. “Forever,” he whispers as he drifts off to sleep.

It’s incredibly sappy and Andy knows that it’s partly the drugs’ fault but he still can’t help his heart overflowing with emotion. Eddie and he have always been close, almost from the beginning on, but the trust Eddie puts in him now is incredible. Andy feels immensely blessed and privileged to have Eddie’s love and to hold his heart in his hands. Right now he just wants to bask in that feeling of pure happiness and not think of the consequences their relationship might have in regards to team dynamics, future missions and the rest of Atlantis.

“Knock knock,” a quiet voice says from the door, pulling him out of his musings. Andy smiles at Lena as she makes her way to his side. “Good morning, Andy. How is he?” she asks softly, nodding at Eddie. There’s a worried expression on her face.

“Apart from a headache he’s fine,” Andy tells her with a smile. “He woke up earlier and the Doc checked him out.”

Her face relaxes and the worry lines fade. “That’s wonderful,” she says, relieved.  She looks down at Andy’s hand that is gently holding Eddie’s. “Did you two talk?”

Andy’s grin is answer enough. Lena bites her lip to keep quiet as she wraps her arms around him. “Oh, I’m so happy for you two,” she whispers in his ear.

“Thank you,” Andy whispers back, and he means it. If he and Eddie should ever marry he’ll make sure that Lena will be their maid of honor. He freezes, just for a moment, when he realizes what he’s just thought. Mentally, he shakes his head at himself in amusement. Yesterday he’d been worried about DADT and now he’s already thinking of marriage. He can just imagine Colonel Puller’s face when he’s asked to marry two of his Marines to each other.

“I hope you’re hungry. John’s on his way with breakfast,” Lena mentions after they break apart. “He’ll be here in a few.”

Andy frowns at her. “Wait a moment, aren’t you supposed to be on duty now?” he asks, remembering her telling him about their morning shift just last night.

She smirks at him. “Snafu and Manny offered to take our shifts. We ran into them on the way back to our quarters last night.” She lowers her voice conspiratorially. “In Snafu’s case I think it might have something to do with the scheduled weapon’s training for the biologists. And by biologists I mean a certain ornithologist.”

Andy swats her arm but can’t help grinning. “Don’t be so gossipy.”

She shrugs. “It’s not like Snafu tries to hide it,” she defends herself.

“Tries to hide what?” Eddie’s tired voice comes from the bed and they both turn their heads with guilty expressions on their faces.

Lena’s eyes grow wide and she looks down at him apologetically. “Oh, Eddie, sorry, was I too loud? I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s alright, no harm done,” he says, reaching out the hand Andy’s not currently holding to give Lena’s hand a squeeze. “I’m hungry, anyways.”

“John should be back with – ah, there he is.” Lena’s face lights up with a smile as John makes his way into the infirmary with four trays precariously balanced on his arms. Andy has no idea how he managed to walk all the way from the mess hall to the infirmary like that but he’s glad he did when he sees the trays laden with pancakes soaked in maple syrup. They take the trays from John who shakes out his arms and goes to knock on the night office door.

“Hey, Doc, come on out, we’re having breakfast. I’ve brought enough for everyone.”

Doc Katz doesn’t have to be asked twice. Together with John he rounds up some chairs and they all gather around Eddie’s bed to eat.

“To a speedy recovery,” he toasts with a glass of orange juice.

“To the future,” Andy follows and gazes fondly at Eddie who smiles back at him. He can’t wait for Eddie to be released from the infirmary. There are so many things he wants to do, so many dates he wants to take Eddie on. Fishing on the south pier, camping on the mainland, a romantic dinner on the north tower under the stars, movie night in one of their quarters … his options are limited here, obviously, but he’s going to do everything in his power to make Eddie smile at least once every day for the rest of their lives.

There’s some syrup on Eddie’s lower lip and without thinking Andy brushes it away. Eddie smiles bashfully at him and Andy beams back. He’s off to a good start.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you would like to see more stories set in this universe, please don't hesitate to tell me. I do have a couple of ideas to turn this into a huge HBO War crossover with the guys of BoB and GK turning up as well, if you guys are interested in this sort of thing. The setting is perfect for focusing on different characters in different stories and I'm open to suggestions for pairings and story elements. 
> 
> Also, feel free to message me on tumblr at ailendolin.tumblr.com I'm always in need of people to squee with over The Pacific and especially Andy and Eddie =)
> 
> **Disclaimer:** I don't make any money with this story. This work is based on the HBO mini-series The Pacific and the characters portrayed therein. I mean no disrespect to the real men and women who fought in the war.


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